These Are Some Important Things You Should Know When Dating An Introvert
There are plenty of “dating an introvert memes” out there that depict an unbalanced or often comical contrast in a relationship. That’s why some people think that dating an introvert is hard. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.
Dating an introvert when you are an extrovert can come with a variety of challenges if you aren’t ready to understand your introvert’s mindset. We know that from first-hand experience. Lisa would consider herself an introvert – or someone who is more reserved and timid (at times). Bruce is more of an extrovert – but after 2 years, we work great together.
That said, we wanted to write this post based on our relationship and or experiences. This means that not all points mentioned here are true for all introverts since every person is still unique.
We hope that this post will give you a good overview of some of the things you might have to be aware of when it comes to how introverts communicate and act. But, don’t think of it as a guide you have to follow step by step!
Having Time To Recharge Is A Must
When dating an introvert, you should be aware that sooner or later he or she will need time to recharge. And that’s completely normal. Social interaction can be more exhausting for introverts than it is for many extroverts.
When Lisa feels like she needs time to herself to recharge she will usually become very quiet and stop interacting as much with people. That’s not because she doesn’t care about or like the people she’s surrounded with – she just feels exhausted and that’s her way of dealing with it.
Knowing this, extrovert partners can do a few things. They can identify when their partner is fading and – if you’re out – call it a night. Better yet, plan ahead so that you aren’t out for that long in the first place!
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Meeting Your Friends Can Be A Challenge
For introverts, meeting new people can be more difficult than for other people since most of the time introverts are not big fans of small talk. When it comes to meeting your (the other partner’s) friends, this can be extra tough.
Generally, introverts place extra emphasis on themselves to make a good impression. This mindset takes more effort for an introvert. At a time when they are already gearing up for long conversations and prolonged social time, it’s a double-whammy.
One of the ways we got around this was by Lisa meeting Bruce’s friends one or two at a time. Over coffee meetups, sushi lunch, etc. Lisa (with Bruce) met his friends in a slow trickle over many months. This wasn’t overwhelming for Lisa, and now that she is more used to a few of them she’s keen to see them more often!
Developing Trust Can Take A While
For introverts, trust can take a reallllly long time to develop. To be honest, trust can be tough to develop for people regardless of personality types but introverts seem to have the hardest time.
We aren’t quite sure why this is – but it means that your introvert might take some time to completely and utterly warm up to you/trust you. It’s not because they don’t want to – but clawing back their protective shell can take longer than some.
Lisa didn’t take that long to trust Bruce – but it was certainly a process for her to go through. As the partner, just know that it might be a process – one that can take time. Don’t rush it. If it’s right, it’ll happen.
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Wanting Alone Time Doesn’t Mean You Did Something Wrong
When an introvert wants some alone time and space, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she wants space away from you. This was something that came up regularly during the beginning of our relationship and still comes up from time to time today.
When Lisa was asking for time to be alone she did it because she needed time to recharge and reflect. However, Bruce sometimes thought that it was because she was mad at him or because he “had done something wrong”.
We’re not saying that this will be a misunderstanding in all relationships with introverts, but it might come up. In cases like these, an honest conversation can avoid a lot of misunderstandings.
Learning To Read Your Partners Body Language Is Important
As you will find out down below, introverts aren’t always the best communicators because it can take time for them to articulate their thoughts. So, body language becomes super important to read and understand if you are the partner.
For Lisa, you can tell she’s closing off/sleepy/exhausted mentally when she stops responding with a bit of a spark in her mood. If this is the case, it’s best for Bruce to slow the pace of the day/evening and speak calmly or else he might overwhelm her! She isn’t always like this, though. Only when she’s had enough of that particular day!
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You Might Go To Some Events On Your Own
For introverts, going to events can sometimes be a bigger effort than for extrovert. This is especially true when it comes to events where you would be meeting lots of new people. This comes back to the point about how tiring socializing/meeting new people can be.
So, if you are a “people person” and socializing comes easy for you – don’t be surprised if your introvert’s “default option” is not to go with you. This is not to say that they don’t want to go with you to whatever the event or thing is. It just means that they don’t love the idea of going to a place with loads of new people.
When this happens, it’s best not to pressure or shame your introvert. Support and discuss with them instead. If it’s not in the cards, that’s fine. That said, Bruce is a believer of “pushing outside your comfort zone” so going even when you don’t want to can be good for the introvert’s personal growth – depending on the situation.
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Sometimes It Can Be Tough To Articulate Thoughts
Communication in relationships is so important – and the tricky thing with introverts is that communicating their ideas, thoughts, and feelings can be difficult at times!
This is Lisa, spot on. Bruce is very much a talker and wants to chat things over while they are fresh. Lisa, on the other hand, takes time to make sense of her thoughts and feelings in her head before presenting her ideas.
As the extrovert, support your introvert to figure out what they need/want to say… but allow them to do it on their own terms. This amount of patience can be VERY tough for a natural extrovert/communicator, so it’s important to remain patient and not rush it.
And there you have it – 7 tips for dating an introvert. These are just things that you should be aware of – and they definitely don’t apply to all introverts. The most important thing is to communicate with your partner. Communicate in a way that work for both of you – but definitely make sure you communicate!
As always, Stay Curious,
-B&L
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