Our Ideas and Tips for Tackling Relationship Insecurity!
What causes insecurity in a relationship? If only we knew for certain! It’s more than just feeling unworthy. It’s about feeling unsure – just a general sense of uncertainty. There are many types of insecurities – and they come in different forms at different stages in your life and your relationship.
So, what does being “insecure” in a relationship even mean? It means to be unsure of yourself, your place in your pairing, and perhaps even of your partner. Now, it’s important to recognize that insecurity can be imagined or actually there – it doesn’t really matter. If it’s in your head, and it materializes in your thoughts, it’s there – and you need to deal with the roots causes.
Often, it can be really hard to express insecurity you are feeling – but that’s where these tips come in. So, if you are looking to overcome insecurity in a relationship, you are in the right place!
Talk To Your Partner (Stop Avoiding Conversations)
More often than not, the best way to deal with insecurities is to talk about it. Communicating effectively starts with actually communicating – and words can really help in that department!
That said, when you do talk, try to have an actual conversation – without drama or overreacting. We know that this can sometimes be difficult but when you’re having a conversation that is tough for you already, there’s no need to make it more complicated.
It’s also important to be clear and sure of your words when you talk. Rambling doesn’t help – and often it can make your partner even more confused with you. Basically, before you speak, you should think about the underlying insecurities so you can discuss them and tackle them effectively.
If you don’t ultimately address your issues/insecurities, over time they will build up more and more. Like a volcano, they can stay dormant for a while but eventually it’ll come to a head and come out in an explosive nature. This could be a fight, a poorly-made decision, or in some cases even a break-up.
Try To Stop Overthinking And Over-Analyzing
One way to deal with insecurity – or stop it from growing inside your head in the first place – is to stop overthinking things. Yeah, we know that this can be wayyyy easier said than done, but you have to try.
If your partner is doing something that you can’t stop over-analyzing, then you need to bring it up in a way that you can talk about it in a civil manner. Then you can determine if you are actually right to think that way or you are just being paranoid.
As we said, this tip can also be labeled as ‘stop being paranoid” and/or “stop trying to over-control things”. Basically, relationships require a certain amount of flexibility and space to grow and mature. They also require a level of trust to be built between you two. We’ll talk about building trust below…
Read Next: How To Stop Overthinking
Let Go Of Negative Relationship Experiences Of The Past
One thing that you need to remember is that the past is the past. It can not be changed – it can not be altered. That said, you also get to choose whether you think about it or not. You are in control or your thoughts – about your past or your partner’s.
A way to get over insecurity is that you can not continue to live in the past – perhaps in a time when you were in a “less than perfect” relationship. We all make mistakes and choose wrongly for us… that’s okay! Choosing wrong in the past helps us get to know ourselves better – because we can become aware of who/what traits in a partner we are looking for.
Yes, those experience might have hurt, but they have shaped you to who you are today. And, honestly, when it comes to a “partner who is wrong for you”, you are better now for having gone through it. So, embrace your current person for who they are and know that they are different from before. Then focus on building memories together – that’s all you can do.
Read Next: How to live in the present
Build Your Self-Esteem
People with insecurities often also have low self-esteem. And we can definitely see how this can affect the development of (or help you resist) insecurities in your relationship.
Lisa had self-esteem issues when she was younger which went hand in hand with feeling insecure about certain things. Starting to be more active – going for runs and working on her strength – and seeing/feeling improvements (even if they were just small at the beginning) has really helped her improve her self-esteem, as well.
Feeling inadequate every once in a while is kind of human nature – it’s how much you focus on the bads (compared to your strengths) and how much you let it affect you that you get to control. This more positive mindset can help you fend off insecurity in your relationship.
Read Next: Growth Mindset Quotes That Will Motivate You
Take A Social Media Break
Yeah, we went there. Social media is basically ruining our lives/modern relationships. Why? Many reasons – with social comparison being one of them (see a point below).
We feel like we know about this point all too well.
We work in content creation, which over time has made us a lot more critical of social media to be honest. We use it for work – but mostly stay away from it otherwise.
One of the main reasons for this is that it can really affect us (and lots of other people) mentally. And maybe you can relate. Has seeing these perfect couple photos on Instagram made you feel insecure before? It can be hard these days to tease apart what is real, what is fake, what is genuine, and what is fabricated! This uncertainty alone can lead to feelings of insecurity.
Develop Your Strengths and Your Weaknesses
Along with the above point about stopping with reflecting/comparing you to what you see on social media, you need to accept you for you. Everyone is different – and everyone is good at some things and terrible at others.
Knowing this, you need to focus on and develop your good traits/skills while also working on your weaknesses. Feelings of insecurity can come from when this is flipped around: only focusing what you are terrible at/don’t like about yourself while not focusing on your “best self”.
Developing these sides of you simultaneously can also help you build confidence, which – in turn – can help keep insecurity at bay!
Trust is something that underpins many of these topics – it’s built up over the course of a relationship, demonstrated in action, solidified by words, and felt over time. You can’t just hit a button and gain 50 trust points – you have to earn and develop it.
Trusting your partner (and yourself, for that matter) can help keep insecurity away because you help to eliminate lingering thoughts or ideas related to uncertainty in your relationship/life.
Likewise, trust can be fragile. It can take one thing to break down the trust wall in an instant – whether this “thing” is actual or just something you made up in your head.
If your level of trust is that fragile, consider working on it by talking about it and demonstrating that you can be trusted in the relationship. If it’s hard/impossible after loads of time to build up a “trust bank”, then you might need to reconsider the whole thing…
Don’t Compare Yourself With Others
This one is definitely related to the above point on social media. Just realize that you are unique. So, comparison (especially social comparisons) will do you no good. Likewise, not only that but comparing your relationship to other relationships will also not do you any good.
Basically, if your insecurity is rooted in constant comparison, stopping the comparison will allow you to reflect on your own relationship more. This can help you mend/fix/work on the things that are related to YOUR relationship, not someone else’s!
Take Care of Yourself
Lastly – although there’s an argument that this should be the first point – is that before you can deal with other things in your life, you need to take care of yourself first.
Basically, learn to value yourself and learn to love yourself. If you are not getting what you need (from a basic needs perspective: food, sleep, exercise), it can be very hard to deal with larger issues.
The side effects of not being fundamentally “okay” (like being stressed, hungry, exhausted) will always spill over into your relationship and cause more trouble. If you are personally okay, then you will have built up enough resiliency to be able to tackle the bigger things – like insecurities you might be holding.
And there you have it – 9 tips for overcoming relationship insecurity. In the end, every couple is different, every relationship is different. You cannot simply copy and paste tips and ideas from one relationship and expect them to fix another.
That said, we’re all human – and there are certainly commonalities we can draw experience from! What do you think? Any of these tips/ideas useful to you? Let us know!
As always, Stay Curious,
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